Bad Blogger, Bad!

I should be fired from the blogosphere! I have only written three entries since I have moved here. Well this one is extra long!

I suppose I have this fear-attachment to the blog. You see my parents did me a great injustice as a child (sorry Mom and Dad!). Since my youth they had bragged incessantly about my skills as a writer, but then reality hit hard when I entered the real word of authentic talent! :) It didn't help matters that I was never appropriately taught grammar, nor that I was a heinous speller. Basically I had imagination on over-drive that masked as writing talent. So, I am very self-conscious about putting "my work" out there for all to see. I imagine you all with oversized red pens in hand, shaking your head backwards as you laugh at my incorrect verb tense and misplaced modifiers. Nightmare!

I have been told, by many of my writing friends, to just write...just let it out and edit later. To me that is silly. Sure it works well for people who have the internal grammar check system installed in their brain. But for me, I am left with many fragments and other sad things. But...I am going to try to push through, for my few but faithful readers and update you more on what is happening in my life and mind.

'Tis a lovely thing this fall.
I remember learning, in elementary (or primary for the Brit/Scot readers) the sequence of things, a way to tell of the elapsing of time. Primarily this was done through weekdays, months, and also some immeasurable means, like seasons. I recall the lovely poster boards that said: fall, winter, spring and summer. Each was decorated with a lovely image, fall had multi-colored leaves, Winter had a snowman and snowflakes, spring had beautiful blooming flowers and summer was usually painted with a sun wearing sunglasses and a sand castle. Since childhood these are the icons of seasons.

Film also helped me with these images. I saw glimpses of fall, with fallen, crunchy leaves and the first sign of layerable dress. Winter was a delight with white snow, ice skating, snow ball fights and big Christmas trees.
It didn't really occur to me that these seasonal icons didn't exist for me. I just had the icons of summer. I only knew sun, sand castles and sandals. But now I find that these childhood images of fall are actually a reality.

We are at the cusp of fall here in Glasgow. The air is dry and crisp. The trees are removing their lush green garments and putting on this season's color pallet of reds, oranges and yellows. The day is losing its power over night as dusk comes quicker each day.

I find myself observing the life around me. Observing the beginnings of decay, the gate-way to winter, the hope for new life after the waiting.

The top-ten superficial misses from back home:

10: Sheets that are not made with polyester! Since many Brits hang their clothes to dry (which is odd since it rains always, and where it rains never, San Diego, no one dares to line dry), almost all sheets are a poly-cotton blend.

09: Wheat Thins: I basically want some crackers. Just crackers. I feel like all the crackers available to me here are gourmet style, the large thick crackers you get with your fancy cheese board. The lack of Wheat Thins has made me invest great time and money into Crisps (chips), this is a very unhealthy and unwise investment.

08: Veggies! Yes of course there are vegetables here...at the grocery store! It is very hard to find a flavorful veg salad or health option meal.

07: Saying Hello: I was reared in the city of superficial friendliness. I make fun of it of course, but I miss saying hi to strangers on the street. For my first few weeks in the city I had great hopes for myself in thinking that I could bring 'smiles' to this city. But I am literally ignored by ever passerby. But in all fairness, once you being your conversation with the Scot, they are incredibly warm and friendly.

06: Blockbuster and DVD Saturday: Oh the days of high gas prices that led me to stay local in the Alpine heat! I would trek down to Los Coches and rent about 6 DVDs at a time (I had a great system). Then I would fill my day with relaxation and great movies! Now I can't seem to find a way to watch movies here! The whole region 1 vs 2 thing...boo...at least I stopped calling it Division 1 and 2...eek. Go OU (that's for you Vanessa).

05: Chipotle, Spicy food and fried Chicken: Yummmmy...I miss fried chicken, boneless buffalo wings, and Chipotle like mad!!! Aside from Indian food it is near impossible to find spicy food here! That is why Mom is sending me some Chalula sauce. :) I will be carrying it with me in my purse!

04: House Hunters and the late night show lineup: I was greatly spoiled during my last 8 month in San Diego. I lived at home, had amazing homemade Chicken meals (seriously mom I miss good chicken!), and a GREAT BIG TV and DVR! I was allowed to watch all sorts of pointless and mind numbingly stupid shows! :) hah. I do miss watching House Hunters with my mom and cuddling my puppies (but that is not superficial so I can't put it on my list!)

03: My shower: Basically my bathroom makes me feel like I am in a submarine. That's all I am going to say!

02: Target: Over the years Target has proved as affective for me as counseling, and it has probably cost me about the same...or more. There is something lovely about walking through that great store, knowing that you will always find a handful of things that you don't, nor ever will, need. Don't be too sad for me, I have found a way to fill that void by Target.com, it really is just as exciting!

01: Car concerts: Today was the first day, in almost two months, that I SANG. I miss driving for hours a day in traffic blaring my music while singing from my soul! Car concerts are the greatest. I also really miss car concerts in Shan's car to old school Mariah! :)


But Seriously:
On the serious front, my life here is amazing. Everyday I thank Jesus for bringing me here. For intentionally bringing me to this amazing place. I feel so blessed and so loved to be in this place and to have met the people that I have. I think when you are removed from everything you know it is so much easier to see God's intentional hand in everything that you do. I had become very complacent and apathetic at home...everything became a routine and was similar. It is unfortunate that I could not see God's amazing hand invested in my life. But because he is a redeemer, I can look back and see some of the things that he did.
On this side of the Atlantic Ocean, I am really being stretched in a variety of ways. He is teaching me about His character and His Gospel in a whole new way. I am being forced to REALLY look at my sin. But instead of stopping there he is teaching me about repentance. Repentance wasn't part of my vocabulary a few months ago. It was part of my theological vocabulary, but not my "internal, no one can hear my thoughts" vocabulary.
In my devotional tonight it was taking about prayer through the Holy Spirit and how God only hears from himself, so since we have the Holy Spirit interceding for us he will hear the prayers. And how prideful words and prayers will not be heard because that cannot be from God. Of course I am butchering what I read (and am not turning on the lights to quote it because I just told the guys outside to be quiet because I was going to bed! and that would look weird if I turned on my light). Anyway, it got me thinking about humility in the Spirit, and well...I am still thinking on it.

But as I get more and more sleepy while I type...and start to enter a scary part of my stream-of-consciousness...let me just say that I am hopeful and encouraged. I have found a home in this amazing city. I see, daily, God's amazing providence in my life, and am really craving a new type of intimacy with Jesus...I know sometimes the words intimacy and Jesus together may sound odd. But He has found, as always, he unique way to leave me vulnerable and needing Him as shelter and cover. :)

I am sure half of this makes no sense! haha. Again, try to put your red pens down and not judge my errors, especially as the increase toward the end of the blog.

Night friends and family. :)