Learning to Open Doors and Use Umbrellas

Currently, there is a Scottish sounding woman narrating my life, the My So Called Life narration has ceased and now a more proper sounding woman has taken over the airwaves. Sometimes I want to shut her up, cause she doesn't sound raw enough to me, I miss the nasally sounding American that I once was in my head, but still very much am to everyone who hears me speak. Accompanying said Scottish woman, in the soundtrack of my head, are various other sounds: the scratching of leaves hurrying about the busy pavement and cobblestone walkways, the pop of lighting cigarettes, the swish of tires racing corners on the road's opposite side, and of course the sound of rain...the dancing, swirling, banging, tapping sound of rain. One sound you will not hear in my brain's soundtrack is music, for my fourth ipod quit on me already.

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The forecast says rain, everyday. And everyday the forecast is correct. You can always trust the rain in Scotland, it will always be here. Perhaps this consistency of rain will teach me of the Lord's consistency in my life. Perhaps.

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I am learning how to open doors and use umbrellas. Doors open the opposite way and this have proved a great challenge for me. Simple things in life usually are the most difficult for me. Umbrellas are not as easy as they appear. To open one is simple, but to keep it steady in the midst of forceful winds is another thing. To keep yourself covered while trying to make way for passers is also another thing. I still haven't managed to keep my hands dry while using my umbrella in forceful wind while not blocking the pavement...too much to do at once.

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We all know the story, the little girl in a little pretty dress suddenly lifts the skirt over her head to yank at her tights and pull them up. We all giggle if we know the child, and giggle internally if we don't. I remember doing this act myself as a young child, and I surely miss the freedom to pull my skirt or dress over my head. As we women venture into adulthood tights DO NOT get any easier to wear. They still slide down your leg and you feel as if you are walking with pants at your thighs. But, as adults, we have to discretely yank at our tights away from the public's eye. This proved very challenging for me today, and I did almost pull my skirt up over my head.

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The naiveté and ignorance of my faith has proved vast these past two weeks. I am seeing how my need for approval stunts my life's actions. The need to be seen as academic proceeds my need to know who Jesus is. My need to have friends floods out my thankfulness for Christ's acceptance and love.

One thing I can say for sure is that the Lord uses distance to bring me closer to Him. Each venture I take away from home has brought about new humility and new understanding of who this Jesus really is. I am hoping for less head knowledge and more faith. More Spiritual understanding to even make sense of this sacrifice of Christ and what it actually means, what it really means to be free from sin and death. What it really means to be loved unconditionally by Jesus. What it really means to know that I am called daughter. And more so I want to REALLY believe it! Wow...what a grateful heart I would have it I fully believed the Gospel. :)

In the meantime while I am about the rainy pavements, wet gardens, and mossy buildings of Scotland...I do trust in the faithfulness of God. His unchanging ways; the remarkable way he loves and provides when we do nothing at all...quite amazing.

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Before I part I must mention that Beatrix Potter's great classic children's tales make much more sense to me now. I always adored them as a child, but now I fully understand where these tales came from. I saw a brightly colored bird climb a ladder and garden squirrel sat with me and my friend on a bench and let us feed him and talk to him. It is quite stunning actually the amount of friendly human attributes appeared as I encountered these incidents. I almost felt as if they were preparing to talk to me about Peter Rabbit and his being in someone's garden. And perhaps they talked to Beatrix, I surely don't doubt it anymore.